Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Don't feed the trolls

I know a bit about trolling, I used to be one. I also spent a lot of time on the receiving end of possibly the best troll the internet has ever seen (anyone heard from pneawf lately?)

I was but an amateur, more of a wind-up artist than anything else, and I still am, online and in real life. My favourite TV show is The Mentalist, especially the early ones, because the character is a massive cunt and a wind-up merchant.

But I did learn from some awe-inspiring trolls, which is why I can spot one so easily.

And it annoys the fuck out of me that mongoloid fucktards with IQs of 7 and one track minds spouting mindless abuse get called trolls. They aren't. They are stupid, pointless bullies who don't put the slightest effort into winding people up, they just make shouty threats of violence when they see someone that they think can easily be bullied.

They are no different to Liverpudlians who perceive a slight on Liverpool; like wibbling leftards; like Terminators: they cannot be reasoned with, they cannot be bargained with and they will absolutely not stop until they've hounded you off the internet and shut down your voice.

But what they are not, are trolls.

Trolls will put a bit of effort in, will wind you up in several different ways, often without saying an unkind or improper word and leave you raging while chuckling to themselves.

Trolls do not shout mindless abuse.

However, the psychology of dealing with abuse and dealing with trolls is very much the same, and unfortunately it is not in the nature of those being trolled or abused to respond correctly. But it is simple to deal with a troll and probably equally simple to deal with an abuser:

Do not rise to the bait. If you suspect you're being trolled, or you have a shouty abuser on the line: DO NOT RESPOND.
If you don't respond to a troll, it frustrates the fuck out of them and they move on looking for a new target. If someone shouts abuse at you and you don't respond, they will get bored and look for someone who does.

Speaking as someone who has been on the end, ironically, of both the Scouse hate mob AND Old Holborn's pack of windowlickers, I'm quite certain that someone who actually wants you dead, assaulted or raped is not going to warn you - they're just going to do it. All they're trying to do is make you feel scared.

It's simple, it works and it pisses them they hell off. What's not to like?

10 comments:

Fidel Cuntstruck said...

It's a sad reflection on today's society that you even have to go to the trouble of explaining this shit.

pneawf - fuck me, that brings back memories :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr Obo the Clown

Is there anything in eternity, in the infinity of space and time which you feel would not be illuminated, amplified, clarified, altogether improved, embellished, glorified by you commenting upon it, from out of your arsehole?

Is there no occasion or event or circumstance about which you are not compelled to comment at insufferable length? Might there ever be something happen in this world without it attracting your observations ?

If someone was to write OH NO, NOT THAT CUNT AGAIN in letters as big as the Milky Way it would be a poor illustration of the effect you have on sensible people. You are as funny as rectal cancer. You have the insight of a cement mixer, although entirely lacking its utility. You know nothing of any value. You and elegance are estranged. There is better reading on a bus ticket. Nothing you say is witty, informative, provocative, original or scurrilous; nothing you write is worth reading, You are clumsy, cackhanded, plagiaristic, trivial, meaningless, insincere; unredeemed garbage. Even pored-over, analysed, the odd nugget is seen to be stolen from other postings, shabby, second-hand, grubby; you cannot even recycle with any distinction.

Living with you, even a garden gnome would hurl himself in front of a train, rather than endure one more moment of your endless, infantile commentary. You are an unspeakable cunt. Why don't you just either shut the fuck up or seek psychiatric assistance for your delusion, the one that makes you think the world cannot survive without you being its continuity announcer. Nobody on earth, not even your mother, if you have one, gives a fuck about what you think about anything. Most people would rather gouge their eyes out than read your drivel. You are an almost unassailable argument for shutting down the Internet; single-handedly you undermine the case for freedom of speech.

The Saviour himself, encountering you on the mountain, would say Fuck me, not this cunt again, does he ever, ever, ever even for a fucking second, shut the fuck up and just be? Or does he think that he spellbinds his betters, enchants his peers and renders reality herself incomplete without his tuppence worth. This is one cunt and a half, lads.

Do you really imagine that you are so perspicacious, so wise, so seasoned that your turds of wisdom, your barrel scrapings of warmed-up Daily Mail leaders, your worthless sweepings-up are indispensable to the world? Do you think people tune in to Radio Four in the morning and exclaim: I can’t wait to hear what Obo the fucking Clown thinks about copper smelting in Zambia ; gosh I hope he posts quickly?

It may be argued in your favour, although I wouldn't, that crass as you are, your heart is in roughly the right place; you head, however, remains, inextricably, cemented up your arse.

You are unpardonably stupid so, here, for Mr Obo, your very own, easy to understand parable:

"Omar went to the Master. He said, Master, I have been painting for years and remain unhappy with my work, can you help? Go, said the Master, and do your finest work and bring it to me. Five years later Omar returned with a painting he had slaved over and handed it to the Master, who threw it straight on the fire."

Look at your posts for something not already better said; its not there. Is this the point of you ? Cover versions?

If you would speak, first learn silence. Learn some Zen, Shithead. Learn some plumbing.

With apologies to the Buddha for the worthlessness of incarnations like Mr Obo.

(best bit of trolling i've ever seen - so saved it. I really don't think bring rude to old ladies counts at all).

Ed P said...

Is Anon (above)a troll or just a moron?
Nice dig at Holby too!

nbc said...

tl:dr

kitler said...

Anonymous troll, better to keep it short and draw them in than to shoot your load all at once. Still a very funny denouncing of Obo even tho I disagree with all of it.

Obo is the best!

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

Anonymous has the most wonderful command of the English language. I'm impressed. Nay, envious.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

"Is there anything in eternity, in the infinity of space and time which you feel would not be illuminated, amplified, clarified, altogether improved, embellished, glorified by you commenting upon it, from out of your arsehole?"

No.

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Right-Wing Hippy said...

"Trolls will put a bit of effort in, will wind you up in several different ways, often without saying an unkind or improper word and leave you raging while chuckling to themselves."

"I'm quite certain that someone who actually wants you dead, assaulted or raped is not going to warn you - they're just going to do it."

As a paid troll for the Metropolitan Police, I would take your word for this, though experience suggests otherwise.

Now why would you, a foul-mouthed cunt at the best of times, need comment moderation?

See you in court.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Now why would you, a foul-mouthed cunt at the best of times, need comment moderation?

I don't. But when I leave the blog alone for a while, Google's anti-spam goes into overdrive.